When my husband and I
bought our first home, he wanted me to be an equal partner in everything
ó and I agreed. We split the costs and made decisions together regarding
carpeting, furniture and renovations. Iím pregnant now and my husband
refuses to give up his office to make room for our child. He says we can
just put the baby in a room downstairs. Our bedroom is on the second
floor, and being a first time mother, I really donít want the baby to be
down the hall and down a flight of stairs from us. He feels that his
office (on the second floor) is exactly the way he wants it and he
doesnít want to change its location. He keeps on saying that since we
both have to agree to all changes, I canít create a nursery in that room
unless he agrees.
This issue is becoming
contentious Ė and itís strange because we rarely argue. I really am
starting to wonder if our marriage isnít as strong as it once was.
Should I just give in
and put the nursery downstairs?
It sounds like your husband has some insecurity about sharing you and
his space with this new baby. You can dig your heels in all you want,
but it might not get you anywhere Ö but upset and stressed, which you
donít really need right now. Also, you will probably want to have the
baby in your bedroom for the first few months ó I think thatís what most
people do. During those months, he might come to see how important it is
to have the baby close by.
Hopefully, if he doesnít change his mind, youíll feel comfortable with
the baby on the first floor with a monitor in your room.
Eventually, youíll need to have a talk with your husband about give and
take in a relationship. Even though you agreed to share all
decision-making power, compromise is integral to any relationship, as is
Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers. Reach her via e-mail at