Hippo Manchester
September 8, 2005

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Dear Sherry,

I have been seeing a guy for about 3 months. He has a girlfriend, so we haven’t slept together or anything, but it’s coming to that. He doesn’t love his girlfriend and wants to leave her but she’s pretty unstable. He says that when he leaves her, he wants to be with me and have a future with me. I’m really sure he means it but my friends tell me to get out. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love him and I know we’d  be really compatible.

Should I wait until things are over with them?

- Being Patient

Dear Being,

I appreciate that you are really hooked on this guy. What I want you to think about — very briefly — is how this would feel if you were the girlfriend and your boyfriend were cheating on you. It would pretty much suck, huh? And the ramifications can last years into the future — because when you really love someone and they are dishonest with you, it’s hard to regain the trust you had with anyone else. It’s really damaging stuff.

Also, the fact that his girlfriend is “unstable,” as you say, is another reason for you to run for the hills. He may just be making it up, but he also may be telling the truth which means that she may  (A) become violent or unpredictable when confronted with the truth or (B) threaten you or your family in some way or (C) just make life miserable for both of you.

I’d also like to point out to you that your boyfriend is not being very sympathetic or caring toward his girlfriend if he is messing around with you on the side, seeing how she is “unstable.”

You can absolutely wait for him. And then you’d be having a relationship with someone you know is capable of cheating.

Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers. Reach her via e-mail at sah103@hotmail.com.