I have been divorced
for about two years (my ex had a girlfriend) and have just started
dating recently. I donít have much experience dating and am kind of
naive and trusting of men. I met a guy at my gym who I really liked. He
took me out to dinner, for a ride on his Harley and I totally fell for
him. Then one day, his (live-in) girlfriend called me up. She had found
my number in his cell phone. I didnít even know he had a girlfriend!
Apparently she is his financial support. The money he used to take me
out was money she had given him!
She said she thought
the three of us should meet to show him she knew about his cheating, and
she wanted me to meet her at a gas station and come to his house in her
truck to surprise him. Stupidly, I agreed. He heaped so much verbal
abuse on me, because I was evidence of his lies to her, and he couldnít
afford to lose her financially. Now I am even more afraid to trust a
How do I not get
suckered into believing a lying man again? How do you know when a man is
telling the truth?
To be fair, itís not
just men who lie. People, in general, sometimes have a difficult time
telling the truth. Iíve been in the place you are at and itís not
I suspect, however,
that you had some inkling, some small clue that your guy wasnít being
entirely up front with you. Had you been to his house? Did he give you a
phone number at his house or just his cell phone? Did he take you
anywhere in public where you might be seen?
There are a number of
clues to whether or not someone is being honest. The best thing to do is
take your time and really get to know someone. See if what they say is
the truth. Watch for the follow-up. Before you get emotionally involved,
be sure that they are who they say they are: single ó and that means
unattached, not just not married ó and available emotionally. Donít
just listen to what they say, but watch what they do as well. Often,
actions speak louder than words.
Another thing you might
want to find out is just how the last relationship ended. An old friend
of mine told me that often the way someone left their last relationship
is the way they will leave you. If there was dishonesty or infidelity
involved in the last relationship, there just might be in the next one
Iím sorry things are
tough for you. Dating can be a really uncomfortable thing to do for
someone who has been in a relationship for a while and itís especially
daunting if you have trust issues. Try to stay positive. There are nice,
trustworthy guys out there. If you get a feeling in your gut, pay
attention to it. Introduce new guys to friends and get their opinions.
Above all, take your time. The right guy will come along in time ó maybe
not when you want him to ó but when heís supposed to.
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