Pinings — In Love and Confused
By Sherry Hughes firstname.lastname@example.org
I recently starting seeing a married man. He is not someone I just met, I actually knew him before, along with his wife. She moved out more than three months ago but there have been no papers for divorce filed from either side.
My problem is I have been seeing this guy for a couple weeks and things have really progressed between us. I actually feel like I am falling in love with him. He has told me that he loves me, too. But if he loves me, wouldn’t he show me by filing for divorce instead of trying to make her file first?
I am confused and scared that this situation may be a dangerous one since neither has filed for divorce and even more that I am heading into a dangerous situation where I might be used as a scapegoat.
I am scared and completely in love with this man. Do you have any advice as to whether I should continue to see this man or should I run for the door?
In love and confused, Manchester
Dear In love,
You are asking me questions that you already know the answer to. Yes, you might be used as a scapegoat somewhere down the line and yes, if he was really in love with you and wanted a future with you, he’d probably be interested in finishing up his old business with his wife, sooner rather than later.
But the one thing you should try to remember is that divorce is very complex and painful for everyone involved. Even if the party involved wants to be divorced, it’s never easy. There are often layers upon layers of difficult emotions to get through, financial matters to settle and legal issues. There is often a period of grieving after the divorce is final, again, even if both parties want the divorce.
To get involved with someone in the middle of this situation is risky at best. You might want to keep your options open for a while to see what develops. He’s going to move on from his marriage when he’s ready, not when you want him to.
Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers. Reach her via e-mail at email@example.com.
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