Pinings — Advice by Sherry Hughes
A Little Joy, A Little Heartbreak
I’ve experienced a little joy, a little heartbreak lately. As I write this, I have a friend who is in labor right now having a baby. This week, I found out that friends of mine are ending a three-year long relationship.
I started thinking about all the things we think relationships are as we grow up. Then I thought about all the things I’ve learned while in relationships as an adult. And then I thought about how when we need it the most, we forget everything we’ve learned.
I’d like to tell my friend who is suffering from a broken heart to walk away, leave it alone, don’t punish yourself anymore. I’d like to know she heard me. She’s been sad for two years over a relationship that wasn’t that great to begin with.
I’d like to tell the new baby how lovely and graceful the mom is, how she had a contraction today — and squeezed my hand really, really tight — and then when it was over, she looked up and said, “So, anyway…” and continued our conversation. I’d like for her son or daughter to know what she went through during pregnancy and how much I admire her.
If only the couple that is breaking up were able to argue less and feel better sooner. I also wish they hadn’t moved so fast to begin with, but I’ve done it too, so I know how it happens.
Another couple of friends I know have been beating the hell out of each other, emotionally, for years. They don’t seem to be getting better or worse — I guess they love each other — but it’s not a love I want any part of.
Sometimes we just can’t get out of our own way.
I’m currently watching someone fall hard for a new woman in his life. He’s a great guy and I admire him a lot. He’s also a grown up (compared to, well, me) so I have confidence in his choices. But I hope he keeps one foot on solid ground until he’s really, really, really sure that she’s worthy of his love.
Oh, I just wish that love could be fun and filled with wonder … rather than the pain in the ass it sometimes turns out to be. I wish we would all trust our gut more than we do. And I wish more young women and men would know, somehow, that they can have healthy relationships without all the drama that often comes with the territory.
I guess life is just like this, sometimes it’s hard, sometimes it’s not. Sometimes a couple breaks up. Other times, they have a baby.
Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers. Reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org
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