Hippo Manchester
October 20, 2005

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Pinings: Crying All The Time
by Sherry Hughes

Dear Pinings,

I have just started going to therapy. Iím 34 years old and was feeling I was losing it. I was angry and crying all the time and I had started to drink too much. I am married and have a good relationship with my husband Rob.

The problem is that it looks as though my depression (my therapistís term) is a result of not dealing with abuse in my past. She said that if we donít deal with it when it happens, we deal with it later. Iím dealing with stuff that happened when I was 12 years old. She said Iíve just buried all of the feelings around that for all of these years.

Although Iím dealing with it now, my husband isnít very compassionate. He says that it happened a million years ago and I need to just let it go. I am full of rage, Sherry, and it is exacerbated by his casual attitude toward it. I want to punch him!

How can I make him understand my need for his support?

Thanks,

- Becky

Dear Becky,

Iím sorry this is all so difficult for you. I have some experience here (with therapy and dealing with junk from my past ó oh, and the unsupportive partner thing ó that one too in my past). 

It truly sucks that you are going through such a hard time and itís compounded by an insensitive partner. Ask your therapist if the two of you can meet with her together. Maybe she can explain to him what you are going through. If he refuses to go, I hope you continue the work you are doing on your own. Try explaining to him that you are doing what you see as the best thing for you. Itís not about him. He might deal with this kind of thing differently and thatís his prerogative. Ask him to please keep his ďget over itĒ comments to himself ó they arenít constructive and they undermine what you are feeling.

Your rage is understandable. In addition to therapy, you might want to try some physical outlet for your feelings (kickboxing comes to mind).

Thanks for writing.

Sherry Hughes welcomes e-mails from readers. Contact her via e-mail at sah103@hotmail.com.