Pinings — Advice by Sherry Hughes

Ruthie's Secret?

Dear Sherry,

My boyfriend always buys me Victoriaís Secret lingerie for Christmas. Even on my birthday, he gives me a gift card from there or something to wear to bed or some undergarment. I love that store and I really like the things he gives me, but in the back of my mind, I canít help feeling like itís more of a gift for him than for me.

If he gives me a gift card, I sometimes buy comfy clothes or perfume Ö and then he complains that I didnít buy something sexy.

I love that he regards me as his ďsexy girlĒ and we have a great time in bed. But honestly, there are other things he can give me that Iíd love. Hinting doesnít help. Writing a list doesnít help. How do I get him to give me what I want rather than what he wants me to have?

- Ruthie 

Dear Ruthie,

I guess things could be worse Ö he could be giving you flannel granny gowns or some knick-knack that you hate. But I donít mean to minimize your disappointment.

If youíve written a list and given him plenty of hints, maybe itís time for a talk. Iím reluctant to suggest that only because gift-giving is so touchy. If someone asks you what you want, by all means, be honest. But if you arenít asked, itís kind of bad taste to get demanding, you know?

Sit down with him and have a talk. Tell him that you love the stuff from VS but you would also like some variety. Tell him you need sneakers, a new toaster oven, a watch, etc. Suggest that VS be only one store he shops at for you.

The other idea is to enlist the help of his friends or family members. This might be too personal a subject Ö but put the word out to folks close to you about what you want. Donít mention the VS stuff; just emphasize what you want. The next time they run into him, they might say ďHey, I heard Ruthie is jonesing for that new Snoop Dogg CD.Ē

Above all, remember that a gift is just that. If itís not exactly what you want, itís still best to say thank you and smile.

Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers. Reach her at

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