Pinings — Advice by Sherry Hughes

Lying, But Not Cheating

Dear Pinings,

Hello. My name is Ashley. I have been in a relationship with the man of my dreams for about two years, off and on. Anyway, we are very much in love, but recently he asked me about something that happened one night when I went out with my friends. He asked me if I went up to a hotel room. I told him no. The truth is, I really did go up to the room for a little while with four other people. Nothing happened though. I lied to him because I did not want to cause any unnecessary conflict.  I did not want him to get mad and end our relationship because I went up there. 

Just yesterday, he found out that I lied to him. Last night he ended our relationship. I apologized over and over, crying to him on the phone. I know I made a mistake about lying, but I would never cheat on him and he knows this. 

I am so devastated! I cannot stop crying and I cannot think of anything else. I wish I could make things better.  He said he still wants me in his life, but he does not want to be serious with me anymore. He does not want our relationship to be “exclusive.” 

What should I do?

- Ashley

Dear Ashley,

I’m sorry this feels so difficult to you. My suggestion is that you write him a letter, or talk to him directly and tell him how you feel. Tell him that you were stupid to lie—and that you know now that it was a bad mistake. Tell him that you love him and want to move on, that you are loyal to him and want another chance. If he isn’t willing to give you one, do your best to lay low and leave him alone for a while. If you want to date only him (and have an exclusive relationship with him), you might need to give him some time to figure out what he wants.

Has trust been an issue with the two of you before? If it has, that might explain why he is so adamant about things being over. He might also just be angry and lashing out for right now. If you’ve been honest with him for two years, he might find a way to be forgiving. Whatever you do, don’t try to force a resolution before he’s ready. You might not get the answer you want if you do that.

Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers. Reach her at

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