Pinings — Advice by Sherry Hughes

Friend, With Benefits!

Dear Pinings,

Iíve had a ďfriends with benefitsĒ relationship with a guy at work for a while now. Heís really not relationship material, but I like hanging out with him and we have fabulous sex. We work in different departments, so there isnít a risk of our work getting messy because we are seeing each other. Iím not dating anyone else right now, and am not interested in dating others. I just got out of a relationship with a guy Iíd been with for seven years. Right now, I donít need the aggravation.

The problem? My lover wants to go out on ďdates.Ē I just want to have sex with him. Heís a nice guy, and very good looking. But he always asks me to go to concerts or the movies or out to eat. I say no, thanks, but then invite him over for a little fun. He doesnít seem to mind, but he doesnít seem to understand where Iím coming from either.


- Sugar honey

Dear Sugar,

Guys arenít used to women just wanting sex without a commitmentóthey understand the other side of the coin, of course, but this is probably a situation your lover hasnít been in.

ďFriends with benefitsĒ relationships can work, but they can be messy too. Be really clear about what you want and if he doesnít agree, you might need to remove yourself from the relationship. Tell him that you arenít using him, you just donít feel the need for any outside activities. Tell him that you just want to have sex and that you donít love him and donít want to date him.

If he doesnít understand, move on to someone who does.

Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers. Reach her at


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