Hippo Manchester
December 29, 2005

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CD Reviews: The Worst of 2005

by Dan Brian

Black Eyed Peas, Monkey Business

It’s hard to believe that once upon a time, in 1998, the Black Eyed Peas could out Fugee the Fugees and could have been considered the new A Tribe Called Quest. “Selling Out” seems like a term of the past and a consequence that few care about these days but in 2004, with the addition of female vocalist Fergie and the release of Elephunk, it became immediately obvious the group had become a capitalistic whore.

Now in 2005, our radios and our ears were graced with nothing less than inane tripe from the Black Eyed Peas and their latest release Monkey Business. The first single “Don’t Phunk With My Heart” was not bad in comparison to the onslaught of singles off of Elephunk that would often cause paralysis and people to punch infants. But it was with the release of “My Humps” that the Black Eyed Peas became an immediate danger to our society.  “My Humps” is pro-actively damaging to our youth, not only by leaving “lady lumps” of tumors in kids’ heads that are bound show up on MRIs down the road but also by leaving faux impressions scorched into their skulls of what decent pop music is.

Runners-Up:

Madonna, Confessions On A Dance Floor

Madge just won’t give up!  Madonna, once a post-modern dream of constant reinvention, seems to have been stricken with euro-electronic Alzheimer’s keeping her in a constant state of washed-upery. 

Weezer, Make Believe

Dear Weezer,      

We were understanding about the Green Album and we cut you slack with Maladroit, but Make Believe is unacceptable. We’re very disappointed in you young band... Are you on the drugs again?