March 2, 2006

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The Veronicas, The Secret Life of the Veronicas
Sire Records, 2006

Forget Tiffany’s coquettish efforts to lose her cherry: now that the Nuclear Family’s evolved into Every Man For Himself, all Soccerdom can take comfort in the knowledge that pre-teen sex-ed’s now in the capable hands of Avril Lavigne and whichever of her mutant embryos survive the frozen-nitrogen tank. Meanwhile, in the wake of a blast from Sire’s hype-conch so intense it could be heard in the Taliban’s honorary Rumsfeld wing at Tora Bora, the identical Origliasso twins have pressed fingers to tonsils with extreme prejudice, purging forth a Niagra of overwrought emo-bubble bent on showing Simple Plan who’s got the most fearsome pee-pees around here. Like iPod-savvy Hansens in training bras, the girls play their own instruments, an angle meant to blow the minds of those too young to remember the first Deuce Bigalow flick. One goose-bumpy track that’s actually like totally awesome is “Uncomplicated,” the second single due once the monstrous fake-DIY of “4ever” thankfully bugs off.

B-

— Eric W. Saeger