April 20, 2005

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Sparks, Hello Young Lovers
In The Red Records, 2006

If anyone could use a good mocking right now, it’s Trans-Siberian Orchestra. For that matter, so could everyone from the designers of the Ford Fusion to the good pushers at Budweiser for the high crime of glamorizing, mystifying and mass-marketing college-age love as if it were the apogee of human experience. Enter the fossilized Sparks guys (yes, the same Sparks that contributed “Armies of the Night” to the scene in Fright Night where Charlie and Amy flee into the disco) bearing armloads of lemon meringue pies, reporting for duty as God’s seltzer-bottle firing squad. The Figaro-rock of “Hello Young Lovers” is 3 Stooges satire in Bohemian Rhapsody clothing, endless operatic couplets sung in a sad-clown deadpan for the dunce-capped romantic in everyone: “The very next fight I have with you will end up the same, some idiot staring at your legs… you tell me to let it go, but how can I let it go?” Distinct snickering sounds coming from the baby grand can be heard if this is played backwards. B

— Eric W. Saeger


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