April 26, 2007

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Sick Puppies, Dressed Up As Life
Virgin Records, 2007

The Million Monkeys With A Million Recording Studios Theory says that given enough random whacks at any genre, someone’s going to do something interesting. That’s not to take anything away from Sick Puppies, whether or not they really do listen to nothing other than Thursday et al, and lord knows they work strictly out of the factory-issue emo assembly kit — vocals courtesy of Bullet For My Valentine, riffs boosted from Blink 182 — but here’s some mall-punk with, wait a goddam minute, well-tendered key changes, almost Fall Out Boy-ish in its righteousness. The lyrics are right out of a Tarantino After-School Special, so over-the-top as to be rendered hilarious unless you’re the parents of the one kid who’s going to poison himself Sharpie-ing the lines over every inch of his skin. Hmm, whatta we got here… “My life’s so pitiful, gimme one good reason I shouldn’t end it all.” Dr. Phil to the GameStop clearance kiosk, stat. (Not to be a narc, but parents, you might want to keep this away from your teen if he’s one of the really stupid ones.) A- — Eric W. Saeger