June 22, 2006

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Patent Pending, Save Each Other, The Whales Are Doing Fine”
We Put Out Records, 2006

Not since Camper Van Beethoven gave sweaty Cro-Mags stage-divers a royal smackdown with “Take the Skinheads Bowling” has there been a clearer sign of punk sentience than Patent Pending’s “Cheer Up Emo Kid,” a leveraging of skate-brat hamster-core that crashes its snotty “Nobody likes me, everybody hates me” chorus right into the reactor of whatever alien mothership is excreting all those Hoobastank pod people. Connoisseurs of four-eyed Poindexter thrash (“Los Angeles”), unmitigated screamo (“Decemberween”) and general-issue straight edge themselves, the band shouldn’t point too many fingers but does anyway, power-yakking three-minute songs that are grossly overproduced by the standards of just about every all-ages headliner you’ve ever heard, very much like Weezer if they punked things up a few ticks. The hidden Game Boy music at track 15 could be taken as a heretical mocking of Tortoise, which of course would mean that this band is either the next Naked Raygun or a bunch of rotten little dummyheads, either of which warrants sainthood. B+

— Eric Saeger


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