July 30, 2009

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Kleerup, Kleerup
Astralwerks Records, July 28

Empty-skulled techno-piffle skunk-bait for shopping-addicted vulgarians and serious readers of Nylon. Opening track “Hero” had me going for a while, I admit: possessed of a mid-speed low-pitched synth arpeggio that makes you think of those deep-sea diving things that pluck old champagne bottles from the grave of the Titanic, it had me expecting it to bloom into either some very interesting IDM or explode into white-hot post-punk with some double-dare chick screaming about men and Hello Kitty or whatever, but that’s all that ever happened. After expecting and expecting, I eventually learned that it was just going to be the one loop, over and over, until the fade appeared with its admittedly nice but too short concert-choir fade. Same for everything here. I haven’t been so profoundly unaffected by an album since that Trouble Andrew disaster, even though Scandinavian DJ Andreas Kleerup does live up to the hype that he’s got some good melodies in his head. But the melodies (all synth arpeggios, which domesticated chimps can do, all powered by lazy ’80s and prog-house sounds, occasionally sung over by mediocre mononym-ed chickies whom Tina Dico could waste with a clever burp) never lead to more melody nor anything danceable; it’s what you’d want in the background if you were having highest-level discussions about zebra-stripe lipsticks and eyelid tats with Tweeting twits. D+Eric W. Saeger