December 10, 2009

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Kid Sister, Ultraviolet
Downtown Records, Nov. 17

If you’d off yourself and take everyone with you while being Clockwork-Oranged to the dance-off between Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson in Bride Wars ever again, this is not an album you’ve the mental makeup to withstand. It’s not the type of album that was intended for serious critical review, either, just something for your (very) average one-night-stand to sip nauseatingly sticky umbrella drinks to while pondering how to tell her friends she’ll catch up with them late-afternoon tomorrow, unless, of course, yuk yuk, you’re a serial killer, eeeeek!

The big draw is a drop-in from Kanye West in the nauseatingly sticky plod-spazz-plod club-hit “Pro Nails,” which is about long painted fingernails, which are (very) important to some people, so chill already. The rest is an Excedrin roller-coaster of loud, vacuous melody, a hangover hurricane that’s the musical equivalent of the stupidest reality TV show moment Talk Soup ever dropped its jaw at, Missy Elliot for the slow, savvy? Bletch. Day-glo throw-up-buckets would be the perfect tie-in. CEric W. Saeger