November 16, 2006

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Kellie Pickler, Small Town Girl
Sony Records, 2006

American Idol finalist Pickler's booby prize was an express trip to soccer-mom-country hell, a package that included appearances on such Pravdan swill as the Today Show and an album called (will the diabolically clever weirdness of this decade ever cease) Small Town Girl, which was released on Halloween, a "coincidence" that should seriously give us pause. Not to get besmirchful or alarm the villagers, but her Dolly Parton tone and cutie-pie Carrie Bradshaw jones for shoes (alluded to most obscurely in "Red High Heels" you really have to look, but trust us just this once) point inescapably to deals with the Father of Lies; 'tis only he who could so effortlessly resuscitate Dolly's asexual sass and package it so fricking seamlessly for an entire generation of SUV-parallel-parking Amazons starved for even the shortest glorious respite from the Liberal Scourge and Al Franken's trillion-dollar Reichstag plot. Good night, and good luck. C-

Eric W. Saeger