May 25, 2006

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Jonas Brothers, It's About Time
Sony Records, 2006

Clay pigeons for politically incorrect jokes from Kathy Griffin, the churchgoing Jonas children have a limited shelf life (which may have expired by the time you're reading this, that is unless youngest member Nicholas does something medically drastic to retain his soprano). Our plucky lads are the millennium's first Hansen, spitting destruction from the same caliber of horrifyingly catchy pop-punk cannon as their predecessors', ie what's on tap are spin-offs of ’80s unholiness like "Walking on Sunshine" Weezer-ized for the Spongebob army. Their “MMM Bop” is "Time For Me to Fly," a freight-car load of presweetened adrenaline born to raise profits for your local car dealer and force The Guts to wait to get theirs in a ska-emo tribute to the boys' Tasmanian devil hormones seriously called "6 Minutes." Your obligation as a human is to rush right out and buy the factory-issue CD — picture all the degradation high school sociopaths will put these walking suburban status symbols through if all the band ever accomplishes in life is demonstrating to all the world that they can't count as high as Philip Roth (obscure reference difficulty level: 8.5). C+

— Eric W.Sagaer


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