November 22, 2007


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Coheed & Cambria, No World For Tomorrow
Sony Records, Oct. 23
You can so picture Geddy Lee and Neil Peart listening to this CD in line at the Burger King drive-thru and saying things like “See? That’s what I’m talking about!” By setting the knobs of the rock n roll Way-Back Machine to 1981, Coheed & Cambria unchain the ghosts of Rush and Triumph, concealing them in a film of nu-metal and screamo so thin that half the Boomer/Gen X parents who overhear the songs will invariably think to themselves “Jeez, I haven’t heard this in a while,” which will inevitably lead to those wicked uncomfortable visits to their teens’ bedrooms for awkward discussions on what constitutes “real rock n roll.” Even worse is the inherent danger that said discussions will lead to laughter-filled family dinners where Junior actually sits down with the folks at the actual dinner table to gorge on buckets of KFC, just like on the commercials.

Don’t do it, kids! Stick with the emo that burns Dad’s ass, because otherwise you’ll soon be doing crazy things like chores and showering and volunteering to help Aunt Petunia clear out her basement. Devil rock is what this is — clean, accessible, Triumph-like steroid-pop; complicated prog-rock mini-operas driven by guitar solos and classically trained high-pitched voices, the opera sections demarcated by Roman numerals like on By-Tor and the Snow Dog!

You kids are so self-destructive nowadays, though, that you’ll probably buy the album anyway and crank it in your bedrooms, but seriously, if someone’s knocking on your door, do me a favor and don’t let him in, because it’s probably frickin’ DAD. A Eric W. Saeger