July 13, 2006

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Cheyenne Kimball, The Day Has Come
Sony Records, 2006

As the major label swan song moves into more plaintive stanzas, their latest tactic — dangling mindlessly supersized contracts in front of business-clueless reality-TV-show finalists — is without question the most spiteful they've ever dreamt up, calculated to motivate art-clueless couch-slugs into doing A&R's work by dialing 800 numbers and spending whatever's left after Exxon is paid up for the week on albums sung by said attention-obsessed trailer yokels. Actual Ringwraiths dragged this album, from a past NBC's "America's Most Talented Kid" winner, kicking and screaming into the office for public torture and summary execution, but it somehow babbled its way into getting freed on personal recognizance, partly owing to some hard-rock proselytizing during the intro and first song (the Def Leppard-ish "I Want To"). Kimball may be a Jenny McCarthy action figure that makes Avril Lavigne noises when you press its belly, and her handlers didn't think anyone would remember Siouxsie's "The Passenger" (ref. the ironically named "One Original Thing"), but several of the songs aren't disgusting if you skip past retail-riot-grrrl Barbie-emo like "Hello Goodbye." C+

— Eric W. Saeger


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