November 4, 2010

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Alter Bridge, AB III
Alter Bridge/EMI, Nov. 9

A giant door swings open, and a 350-pound hulk of steer-beef swathed in a cloud of smoke appears. Itís on! Rassle!

These are the images I have to banish from consciousness when dealing with this latest LP from ĺ of Creed hooked up with Slashís singer, a band whose fame has mostly come from WWE intro songs, for rassliní. This just came in today, deadline day, and Iíd love to make more WWE jokes to fill this space and just run off to watch the World Series, but since they did go to the trouble of writing a generous 16 songs and there are, seriously, a few people reading this who actually like this stuff, Iíll go on record as saying that itís not completely unbearable for a half-cocked crock of nu-hard-rock. You know the deal ó for the most part itís overproduced, often too poppy claptrap ó itís like listening to a musical about two suburban teens arguing over whether Whitesnake is better than Slipknot. I mean, there are seriously times when this record appears set to break into a chorus of Heartís ďAloneĒ just to put a little spice into the obligato ballad. I dunno, maybe Iíll crank it again right now while watching the Giants beat the tar out of Texas ó anythingís better than listening to Joe Buckís stupid babbling. B

ó E.W.S.