April 17, 2008

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A New Revolution, Rise
Koch Records, April 15
Please kids, don’t scare me. The revolution will not be texted in from your iPhones — those are the things you’ll be smashing first.

And it won’t comply to standards, as this record does every chance it gets. No subtlety save for the invisible synth lines that raise goosebumps on the easily impressed; essentially you could play a Papa Roach album backward and get the same bang for your buck.

Chinstraps, flavor-savers, a Mohawk, and one misfit guy who looks like he got roped into the band after getting fired from 7-Eleven — you know they’ve got checkerboard slip-ons on their feet and their moms cover their couches in plastic. And of course the singer, who wants to sound evil and ragged and bloodthirsty, but he listens to Slipknot and doesn’t own any Ministry albums. “Cool guitars,” you say? You mean those digitally compressed, docile little Pekinese-doggy wave-forms tuned down low to spread total F33R o’er the land? Note to self: Build a bunker! C-Eric W. Saeger