Transporter 2 (PG-13)
by Amy Diaz
Jason Statham drives
the ass-kicking-est Audi ever in The Transporter 2, a movie about the
coolness of both Statham and his car.
Alas, no greased
Statham here — perhaps that little trick from the 2002 original left the
MPAA overheated, breathless and asking for a cigarette. But we do get
the occasional shirtless Statham — which is nice. A man of few facial
expressions, Statham’s stocky hotness just gets better the more clothes
As with the first
movie, Frank Martin (Statham) is an ex-Special Forces good-guy
mercenary. An expert at martial arts and strong like bull, Martin’s
particular skill is his ability to drive. He can do “fast,” he can do
“evade police,” he can do “drive off building and land on adjacent
building” — he’s a full-service driver.
When we catch up with
him, he’s turned his talents toward driving in tamer circumstances — to
and from the elementary school where Jack (Hunter Clary) is a student.
His parents — the victimy Audrey (Amber Valletta) and drug-enforcement
muckety muck Jackson Billings (Matthew Modine) — have hired Frank as a
temporary driver for their son. Though Frank is a strictly business kind
of guy, he develops an affection for Jack in part because that makes his
angry-at-Jack’s-kidnapping more believable. Though personally, I think
having Frank bested by a slutty psycho named Lola (Kate Nauta) and a
braces-needing criminal named Gianni (Alessandro Gassman) is all the
motivation we need to see Frank set off in a desperate search for the
boy. Naturally, none of the nine million law enforcement types gathered
at the Billings’ house have even the slightest idea of how to run the
investigation and believe that Frank is the kidnapper. Luckily for Frank
that the kidnapping coincides with a visit from his friend Tarconi
(Francois Berleand), a French cop who can cook Madeleines, help with the
investigation and provide comic relief.
the movie comes down to Statham and his car — both of which are shiny
and sexy and highly watchable. Statham is never ruffled; the car, no
matter how many times it is shot at or knocked about, seems impervious
And, honestly, there’s
nothing wrong with this — a good shiny car/ hot guy/ big explosions
movie is fun from time to time. That I can’t wholeheartedly recommend
this movie comes not from any misstep by the creators with any element
of this equation but from the fact that, after a while, all that driving
and explosions got a little boring.
For The Transporter 3
how about we try a some more shirtless Statham to spice things up?