Film ó House of Wax (R)

House of Wax (R)

by Amy Diaz

Paris Hilton is not naked nor is she really the star of ho-hum horror movie House of Wax.

But even though she is relegated to the status of also-killed in this teen slash-and-dip-fest Parisís few scenes are some of the movieís most, well, entertaining seems the wrong word, so letís try amusing in a dramatically ironic way. After all, when we see her briefly appear in one of the other characterís home videos, our thoughts go to that other Hilton movie. Or when we see her scamper away from a killer clad only in her bra and panties we think that this is actually rather modest behavior for someone who has made aggressive sluttiness a foundation of her career.

Sadly, Hilton is one of the few murder victims who doesnít end up as a giant novelty candle. That honor goes first to Jared Padalecki, best known for playing Dean on Gilmore Girls and cast here as the equally unfortunate Wade. Wade and his girl Carley (Elisha Cuthbert) are the first two of their group of six teens to check out the apparently deserted House of Wax in a small southern town. Naturally, these teens, after an initial scary night spent in a clearing on the side of a dirt road, waste no time splitting up to ensure their gruesome murders. Achilles tendons are sliced, heads are severed, throats spurt merry little fountains of blood after being impaled by knives ó there is no end of ways in which twin brothers procure the bodies which they then dip in wax and mold to create figurines in their very life-like museum.

All the running and screaming and squirting blood, however, is done with neither campy zest nor genuine creep-out. The movie is occasionally icky, frequently silly but never scary nor the unintentionally funny that can make up for a lack of horror in horror film.

- Amy Diaz

 
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