Publisher's Note: 2010 predictions
By Jody Reese
Quite suddenly, it seems, this ’00 decade is coming to a close. It couldn’t happen to a crummier decade, which has seen the worst terrorist attacks in mankind’s history, two recessions, a banking crisis, two wars, a ballooning debt, flooding of a major American city and people famous for being jerks on reality television shows.
While the entire decade wasn’t as bad as some of the events that took place in it, it’s nice to be on the edge of a new year and a new decade — and trying to predict what will happen. Here are my predicitions:
In his run in the New Hampshire Republican presidential primary, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee will form a new rock band, the Granite Stones, and tour around the state nonstop. This stone don’t roll.
While the Manchester Wolves may have suspended operations, a new team will emerge to rent the Verizon Wireless Arena in the summer: an all-woman jai alai team. John Clayton will sign on to be the announcer.
Property values will soar after it’s discovered New Hampshire is home to a huge source of unobtainium, though Canadian mining operators will try to drive us from our homes. Only the Blue Man Group will be able to save us.
Riots will erupt when Fraggle Rock comes to the Whittemore Center. A subsequent investigation will reveal that scalpers at the sold-out show were charging $200 per ticket, prompting Generation X parents to storm the gates so their kids, too, can learn to love Jim Henson.
Manchester parking department will discover that a gang of thugs has muscled in on its parking turf by counterfeiting the parking slips and selling them at a discount. The thugs even created their own parking kiosks, but no one at City Hall noticed.
New Hampshire Gov. John Lynch will not seek re-election, setting the stage for a showdown between John Sununu and John Sununu. Unfortunately for both of them, New Hampshire’s new liberal bent attracts Woody Harrelson to the state. He decides to run and wins in a hazy landslide. “Dude, I really won?”
After helping to bail out the Eagle Times in Claremont, N.H., the state will move on to radio stations. But instead of loans, they’ll offer to let radio stations broadcast Governor and Council Meetings 24/7. Hey, every bit helps.
The state will actually begin construction on Nashua’s Broad Street Parkway, a connector road that will bring cars from the highway directly to downtown. Seriously. No kidding. Finally. After 35 years.
Union Leader publisher Joe McQuaid will give up golf in favor of his new passion, Latin dance. He will figure it is better exercise and offers better commentary for his weekly columns. Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve seen Dancing with the Stars.