Publisher's Note: 2009 predictions
By Jody Reese
I’ve been right and wrong on these prediction things. I think most will agree, you talk enough and some of what you say will come true. It’s just a matter of odds. Here are my predictions for 2009.
Sarah Palin will decide she loved being a small-time mayor is a snowy place but that Alaska is just too darn far away from Washington and will move to Manchester to run against fellow Republican Frank Guinta in Manchester’s mayoral election. In the end, though, she’ll lose due to an interview with the Manchester Express in which she admits she doesn’t know where the Merci Box Car is located, though she claims she can see it from her living room.
The battle between Nashua teachers and Mayor Donnalee Lozeau heats up again, with teachers taking to the streets in a brazen protest to unseat the mayor (like in France). Unfortunately for the teachers, the mayor fires them all and outsources all the teaching jobs to India, saving millions. Test scores dip in all areas except geography.
Budget cuts at the state level get so bad that heat is turned off at the Statehouse. Somehow, when the legislators are in session, the place gets up to 80 degrees and the windows must be opened to cool the place down. A new source of energy?
Manchester aldermen finally realize that treating downtown parking meters like personal cash machines was a mistake and reduce parking fees to a nickel an hour. Yeah, right!
Nashua aldermen finally realize that half of Nashua thinks it’s living in Massachusetts and institute an income tax. No one notices.
To stir up revenue the town of Salem opens its own “sin stores,” a chain of stores every 50 feet along the border with Massachusetts that sell cigarettes, booze, fireworks, pornography and lottery tickets and offer slot machines, tattoos, poker and a formal bribery system for Massachusetts elected officials.
The Currier Museum will partner with the New Hampshire Institute of Politics to put on an exhibit of presidential candidates doing stupid things. Topping the list, Rudolph Giuliani’s run for president, right behind Fred Thompson’s run for president.
During these tough economic times, Clear Channel Communications (owner of WGIR AM and FM and WHEB) will ask the federal government for a bailout. The government will help, but in exchange they’ll require that Charlie Sherman, WGIR AM’s morning host, be put on both stations 24-7. It’s all Charlie, all the time. Take that, NPR.
In an attempt to get back to its roots, WMUR will promote Fritz Wetherbee to newscaster alongside Tom Griffin and Jennifer Vaughn. Ratings for the towns of Peterborough and Fitzwilliam go through the roof. People in Nashua will complain they can’t understand a word he says. Tough luck, imports.
With an ice storm and two snow storms behind us, 2009’s winter will be warm and friendly with temperatures soaring into the 70s in January and February. Sure, some will complain it’s the coming of the end of days, but others, like me, will celebrate by wearing flip flops to work all winter. Take that, global warming.