March 1, 2007


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Pinings: What tangled webs
by Sherry Hughes

Dear Sherry,
I have a huge problem. I have been dating a man who, despite his desire to spend time with me, has been caught up in some work issues. He has been pretty much unavailable, a date a week at best. Now, Iím not the kind of person that cheats, but being lonely about a month ago I went on a chat line to just play around. Itís safe and nobody gets hurt ó so I thought.

I met this guy, just talking, and before I knew it we exchanged phone numbers and have been non-stop since. It sounds like no big deal, but here is where it gets dicey. I have no commitments to the guy I was dating, we are not exclusive. I do have some to myself ó such as my integrity and my honesty. I was not honest with this guy in the beginning about my age or my size. It didnít matter because he was just some ďfantasy.Ē I kept the lie going because I really enjoyed how I felt talking to him, we†clicked so well. Here it is a month later and about 1000+ hours of talk time and thousands of text messages and I love him, he loves me, too ó but not really. Itís based on a lie. I never thought something so silly and mute†could be so painful. I need to end it and there is no easy way it seems. The truth is so painful to say; itís like telling him the woman you love doesnít exist, even though Iím real. I do love this guy, Sherry. I know its crazy but I really do. Itís his love thatís not real since itís based on fiction.What do I do? Say? Is there any way to make this right? Oh yeah, he thinks Iím thin; Iím†not. And he thinks Iím 29 and Iím 38. Heís 21. I know, itís bad.

Messed up in Manchester

Dear Messed Up

You know what you need to do. I think you just want a push in the right direction. You need to tell this cyberbeau that you arenít who you said you are. If you want, you can even send him a picture of yourself. You never know, he might not be telling you the truth either. Regardless, you need to clean up your side of the street. Thatís all you can do. I donít see a lot of potential in a relationship based on lies and the age difference is significant. Ask for his forgiveness and let him know that it was just a fantasy for you and you really didnít mean for anyone to get hurt. And be sure to say you are sorry.

And ďIím sorryĒ doesnít mean anything if there is no action behind it. Try to be sure this doesnít happen again.

Also, consider this a learning experience. You feel awful and you were dishonest with someone, but all in all, you got off easy. You have no idea who this guy is or what he is capable of. It could have been a lot worse.

Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers at

2/22/2007 Hurtful words

2/15/2007 A little recognition please
2/8/2007 Bad news sister
2/1/2007 Toughen up
1/18/2007 Flashback
1/11/2007 Trying to get better
1/04/2007 Scroogey
12/28/2006 Dirty laundry
12/21/2006 Straight shooter
12/14/2006 Nice to meet you
12/7/2006 Survey says!
11/23/2006 Scrooge's night out
11/16/2006 the uncomfortable truth
11/9/2006 BYO-BFF
11/2/2006 Re-styling
10/26/2006 Boozy boys
10/19/2006 Dear readers
10/12/2006 Lack of ambition
10/05/2006 Sorry seems to be the hardest word
09/28/2006 Cheaters, the best reality show ever
09/21/2006 Baby daddy
09/14/2006 Dollars and sense
09/07/2006 I know what boys like
08/24/2006 Act the part
08/10/2006 Cousel-ation prizes
08/03/2006 Bridezillas
07/27/2006 Office space
07/20/2006 Dream a little dream
07/13/2006 Hanging on the telephone
06/29/2006 Lets get it on
06/22/2006 A dubious proposition
06/15/2006 Fighting Fair
06/08/2006 Dogged by guilt
06/01/2006 Itsy bitsy
05/25/2006 Lovey dovey couple
05/18/2006 Simple questions
05/11/2006 My racist friend
05/04/2006 Secret nostalgia
04/27/2006 Making connections
04/20/2006 Live a little
04/13/2006 Live a little
04/06/2006 Torn
03/30/2006 Disagreements
03/23/2006 The simple life
03/16/2006 I thought it was love
03/09/2006 Alone but not lonely
03/02/2006 Compatability?
02/23/2006 A rock and a hard place
02/16/2006 A whole-hearted agreement
02/09/2006 Growing apart
01/26/2006 Tuning out?
01/12/2006 Under pressure
01/05/2006 Sex isn't everything?
A Few Words From Sherry

A LIttle Joy, A Little Heartbreak
Abusive Relationship
Abusive Relationships
Advice to young mother
Annual Tips For Avoiding The Holiday Fight
Any Way To Return To 'Just Friends'?
At The Women's Expo

Back In The Same Place
Back Off, Buddy
Bad Breaks
Being Patient
Blog, Blog, Blog
Broke up

California Dreaming
Changing My Mind
Clearing It Up
Cooking Help
Confused and Angry
Consumed By The Internet
Crying All The Time
Dating Again
Falling Short
Family Friction
Friend, With Benefits
Friendly Secret
Gift-Giving Season
Go to Funeral?
Hunting Season
In Love and Confused
It's the most "beautiful" time of the year...
Keeping Things Secret
Just Sex
Lying, But Not Cheating
Might Get Married
Move Back Home?
My Boyfriend's Computer
My Roommate's Family
Mutual Intrigue
Needs Support
Newly Single Mother
No Explanation
Nosy Neighbors
Nothing Happened
Oh, Grow Up

On Her Way To 'Trouble'

Our Pal Al
Pretty Tight
Publicity Stunt?
Quiet, Please
RSVP, Please
Ruthie's Secret
Should I Stick or Should I Run
Should I Tell Him
Shy Girl
Splitting and Sharing
Stuck In A Sticky Situation
Sucky Gifts
Taking advantage
The Boyfriend & The Friend
The Difficult Coworker
The Letter
The Pain In Spain
The Sad Bride
The Ultimatum
Two Men At The Same Time
Vacation, Not

Why would anyone stay?