Pinings: What tangled webs
by Sherry Hughes firstname.lastname@example.org
I have a huge problem. I have been dating a man who, despite his desire to spend time with me, has been caught up in some work issues. He has been pretty much unavailable, a date a week at best. Now, Iím not the kind of person that cheats, but being lonely about a month ago I went on a chat line to just play around. Itís safe and nobody gets hurt ó so I thought.
I met this guy, just talking, and before I knew it we exchanged phone numbers and have been non-stop since. It sounds like no big deal, but here is where it gets dicey. I have no commitments to the guy I was dating, we are not exclusive. I do have some to myself ó such as my integrity and my honesty. I was not honest with this guy in the beginning about my age or my size. It didnít matter because he was just some ďfantasy.Ē I kept the lie going because I really enjoyed how I felt talking to him, we†clicked so well. Here it is a month later and about 1000+ hours of talk time and thousands of text messages and I love him, he loves me, too ó but not really. Itís based on a lie. I never thought something so silly and mute†could be so painful. I need to end it and there is no easy way it seems. The truth is so painful to say; itís like telling him the woman you love doesnít exist, even though Iím real. I do love this guy, Sherry. I know its crazy but I really do. Itís his love thatís not real since itís based on fiction.What do I do? Say? Is there any way to make this right? Oh yeah, he thinks Iím thin; Iím†not. And he thinks Iím 29 and Iím 38. Heís 21. I know, itís bad.
Messed up in Manchester
Dear Messed Up
You know what you need to do. I think you just want a push in the right direction. You need to tell this cyberbeau that you arenít who you said you are. If you want, you can even send him a picture of yourself. You never know, he might not be telling you the truth either. Regardless, you need to clean up your side of the street. Thatís all you can do. I donít see a lot of potential in a relationship based on lies and the age difference is significant. Ask for his forgiveness and let him know that it was just a fantasy for you and you really didnít mean for anyone to get hurt. And be sure to say you are sorry.
And ďIím sorryĒ doesnít mean anything if there is no action behind it. Try to be sure this doesnít happen again.
Also, consider this a learning experience. You feel awful and you were dishonest with someone, but all in all, you got off easy. You have no idea who this guy is or what he is capable of. It could have been a lot worse.
Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers at email@example.com