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January 18, 2007
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Pinings: Flashback In December, one Pinings column was about a woman who found out about an affair going on between a friend of hers and a neighbor. The writer didn’t know what to do, but felt as if she was stuck between a rock and hard place, avoiding the wife who was being cheated on and angry with the cheating husband. She also said the couple had a difficult marriage and she wasn’t sure they should even be together. This letter came to me from a reader regarding that column: Dear Pinings: The writer goes on to say: Why is it that women get some perverted pleasure in causing emotional pain to someone else — especially to other women? Here’s my advice — Get a Life. Unless Classy is bunking in with your main squeeze it’s not your problem. It’s not your business. What she needs to tell Classy is to find another ear to bend about her affair — and by the way, tell her she’s a big-mouth slut. The letter is signed Sixty & Wiser For those who didn’t read my response, here it is: Here’s why I wrote what I wrote: If I’m dating you and you withhold information …about being unemployed, being ill, having children, being in debt, that you used to be a different gender, etc., you aren’t giving me the information I need to make an informed decision about whether I want to continue to date you. That, of course, is all information that comes out through the dating process, over a period of time. In a long-term relationship, in this case marriage, being honest is crucial to the health of the relationship. Honesty isn’t suspended at the altar. If I’m married to you and you neglect to tell me about something important, oh, like an affair, you compromise me in many ways: my health, my future, my well-being, etc. I know you all get that. And I know that when people have affairs, they aren’t thinking about all of those things that are compromised. I disagree that women, in general, receive pleasure in causing emotional pain to others. I know some people make decisions that they later regret. But I also think that people are reluctant to tell the truth for fear of sounding judgmental. I hear this all the time, “It’s not for me to judge.” I think it’s okay — and perhaps our role as friends — to speak up sometimes when we see something happening that may lead to catastrophe, crisis or harm. Who could possibly get pleasure from that? For me, I feel horrible when my friends suffer. And my close friends know that I’d rather know the truth, even if it hurts, than have someone blowing smoke up my skirt.. Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers at sah103@hotmail.com |
 
1/04/2007 Scroogey
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