October 12, 2006

 Navigation

   Home Page

 News & Features

   News

 Columns & Opinions

   Publisher's Note

   Boomers

   Pinings

   Longshots

   Techie

 Pop Culture

   Film

   TV

   Books
   Video Games
   CD Reviews

 Living

   Food

   Wine

   Beer
   Grazing Guide

 Music

   Articles

   Music Roundup

   Live Music/DJs

   MP3 & Podcasts

   Bandmates

 Arts

   Theater

   Art

 Find A Hippo

   Manchester

   Nashua

 Classifieds

   View Classified Ads

   Place a Classified Ad

 Advertising

   Advertising

   Rates

 Contact Us

   Hippo Staff

   How to Reach The Hippo

 Past Issues

   Browse by Cover


Pinings: Lack of ambition
by Sherry Hughes sah103@hotmail.com

Dear Pinings,

When my husband and I first got together, we went out a lot. We never go anywhere anymore unless itís to do normal stuff ó getting the groceries, running errands. Weíve been married for two years and together for six. I love him a lot and am still very attracted to him. But Iím bored with our lifestyle.

A few weeks ago, I was telling my sister about this. She told me that life is too short and that sheís wondered for a long time why I deal with his lack of ambition. (He has a good job and works some overtime every week, but not like 60 hours or anything). I never know when to draw the line with him and insist he go with me to an event or party.

I donít want to get into fights with him. I also donít want to go by myself.

Usually what has happened when I bring this up for conversation is that he makes an effort for a couple of weeks and then we are back to the same old, same old.

How do I get him off the couch and back into life? Iím afraid to have children with this man. I donít want to be going to soccer games alone, school events alone, the park, vacation, etc.
Kristen

Kristen,

A very wise and educated man once told me (OK, it was my therapist) that I couldnít judge a partnerís behavior based on the first six months of dating. We all change and grow and get into a comfort zone. Your husband is obviously all nested in and comfy. You want to live life in a different way. My suggestion is that you go ahead and do that. Sit him down and tell him that you need more social stimulation. If he isnít willing to go with you, do some things on your own. You neednít be nasty or get in a fight, but just go do what you need to do. This doesnít have to be the end of your marriage; it may just be a shift. And it may make everyone happier.

But be prepared, it might only work for one of you.

Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers at sah103@hotmail.com


Comments?†Thoughts? Discuss this article and more at hippoflea.com



10/05/2006 Sorry seems to be the hardest word
09/28/2006 Cheaters, the best reality show ever
09/21/2006 Baby daddy
09/14/2006 Dollars and sense
09/07/2006 I know what boys like
08/24/2006 Act the part
08/17/2006 www.addicted.org
08/10/2006 Cousel-ation prizes
08/03/2006 Bridezillas
07/27/2006 Office space
07/20/2006 Dream a little dream
07/13/2006 Hanging on the telephone
06/29/2006 Lets get it on
06/22/2006 A dubious proposition
06/15/2006 Fighting Fair
06/08/2006 Dogged by guilt
06/01/2006 Itsy bitsy
05/25/2006 Lovey dovey couple
05/18/2006 Simple questions
05/11/2006 My racist friend
05/04/2006 Secret nostalgia
04/27/2006 Making connections
04/20/2006 Live a little
04/13/2006 Live a little
04/06/2006 Torn
03/30/2006 Disagreements
03/23/2006 The simple life
03/16/2006 I thought it was love
03/09/2006 Alone but not lonely
03/02/2006 Compatability?
02/23/2006 A rock and a hard place
02/16/2006 A whole-hearted agreement
02/09/2006 Growing apart
01/26/2006 Tuning out?
01/12/2006 Under pressure
01/05/2006 Sex isn't everything?
A Few Words From Sherry

A LIttle Joy, A Little Heartbreak
Abusive Relationship
Abusive Relationships
Advice to young mother
Annual Tips For Avoiding The Holiday Fight
Any Way To Return To 'Just Friends'?
At The Women's Expo

Back In The Same Place
Back Off, Buddy
Bad Breaks
Being Patient
Blog, Blog, Blog
Broke up

California Dreaming
Changing My Mind
Clearing It Up
Cooking Help
Confused and Angry
Consumed By The Internet
Crying All The Time
Dating Again
Ex-Cooperation
Falling Short
Family Friction
Friend, With Benefits
Friends
Friendly Secret
Gift-Giving Season
Go to Funeral?
Homesick
Hunting Season
In Love and Confused
It's the most "beautiful" time of the year...
Keeping Things Secret
Just Sex
Lying, But Not Cheating
Might Get Married
Move Back Home?
My Boyfriend's Computer
My Roommate's Family
Mutual Intrigue
Needs Support
Newly Single Mother
No Explanation
Nosy Neighbors
Nothing Happened
Oh, Grow Up

On Her Way To 'Trouble'

Our Pal Al
Pretty Tight
Publicity Stunt?
Quiet, Please
RSVP, Please
Ruthie's Secret
Should I Stick or Should I Run
Should I Tell Him
Shy Girl
Splitting and Sharing
Stuck In A Sticky Situation
Sucky Gifts
Taking advantage
The Boyfriend & The Friend
The Difficult Coworker
The Letter
The Pain In Spain
The Sad Bride
The Ultimatum
Two Men At The Same Time
Vacation, Not

Why would anyone stay?