Pinings: Lack of ambition
by Sherry Hughes email@example.com
When my husband and I first got together, we went out a lot. We never go anywhere anymore unless itís to do normal stuff ó getting the groceries, running errands. Weíve been married for two years and together for six. I love him a lot and am still very attracted to him. But Iím bored with our lifestyle.
A few weeks ago, I was telling my sister about this. She told me that life is too short and that sheís wondered for a long time why I deal with his lack of ambition. (He has a good job and works some overtime every week, but not like 60 hours or anything). I never know when to draw the line with him and insist he go with me to an event or party.
I donít want to get into fights with him. I also donít want to go by myself.
Usually what has happened when I bring this up for conversation is that he makes an effort for a couple of weeks and then we are back to the same old, same old.
How do I get him off the couch and back into life? Iím afraid to have children with this man. I donít want to be going to soccer games alone, school events alone, the park, vacation, etc.
A very wise and educated man once told me (OK, it was my therapist) that I couldnít judge a partnerís behavior based on the first six months of dating. We all change and grow and get into a comfort zone. Your husband is obviously all nested in and comfy. You want to live life in a different way. My suggestion is that you go ahead and do that. Sit him down and tell him that you need more social stimulation. If he isnít willing to go with you, do some things on your own. You neednít be nasty or get in a fight, but just go do what you need to do. This doesnít have to be the end of your marriage; it may just be a shift. And it may make everyone happier.
But be prepared, it might only work for one of you.
Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers at firstname.lastname@example.org
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