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Pinings: Counsel-ation prizes
by Sherry Hughes sah103@hotmail.com
Dear Sherry,
I really need some help. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about eight months…but we just broke up. I think she is trying to change me. I am this kind of guy: I don’t take nothing off of nobody. I mind my business. I don’t go places where I’m not invited. On Friday nights I’m tired and want to just relax. She seems to feel as if we always have to be doing something.
Now she wants me to go to counseling and she says if I do that, she may want to get together with me in the future.
I don’t think I need counseling. If she doesn’t like me the way I am, aren’t I better off without her?
Richard
Dear Richard,
Well, you haven’t given me any indication of why she wants you to go to counseling, but the rule of thumb on this one is if you genuinely feel as if you may benefit from counseling and have a clear goal in mind (grieving, anger, jealousy, substance abuse, etc.) then by all means, go. If it’s just sort of a “you’ve got issues” kind of thing, well, it seems that it would be a waste of time to go into counseling without knowing why you are there.
Your girlfriend may very well want you to change, but she also may want for things to be better than they are. Do you have common goals and dreams? Do you have activities in common? If you like to stay home on a Friday night and relax, that’s what you should do. But occasionally, she may want you to go somewhere with her, and it makes sense for you to be flexible and go with her.
Relationships are always about compromise; some couples have to do it a lot, others just jibe more. If the two of you are often at odds about how to spend your leisure time, it may be time to think about moving on.
Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers at sah103@hotmail.com
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