July 13, 2006

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Pinings: Hanging on the telephone
by Sherry Hughes sah103@hotmail.com

Dear Pinings,
Isnít it bad form to not return phone calls, e-mails and such? I am nearing the end of my rope with one of my girlfriends. She isnít near a computer a lot and admits she only looks at her e-mail once a day. I understand that but even when she does look at her e-mail, she often doesnít respond. Or weíll write back and forth for a while and then it sort of drops off. She is also terrible about phone calls. I call, she doesnít call back. She doesnít call often on her own.

Weíve been friends for a while but Iím not so sure I want to continue to be friends with her if she canít stay in touch.

Iíve tried talking to her about it but she just behaves as if she isnít doing anything wrong.
A

Dear A,
She isnít doing anything wrong Ö at least not in her book. Sheís just not being the friend you expect her to be. The problem here is expectations: you expect her to behave as you would. She expects you to still be her friend despite her foibles.

You have two choices. You can either change your expectations and end the disappointment you feel when she doesnít stay in touch, or you can continue to expect her to behave differently Ė and continue to be disappointed.

If she is someone you love and hope to continue to be friends with, you might need to change you rather than concentrate on getting her to change. Thatís pretty much always a losing proposition.

Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers at sah103@hotmail.com


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