July 13, 2006


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Pinings: Hanging on the telephone
by Sherry Hughes sah103@hotmail.com

Dear Pinings,
Isnít it bad form to not return phone calls, e-mails and such? I am nearing the end of my rope with one of my girlfriends. She isnít near a computer a lot and admits she only looks at her e-mail once a day. I understand that but even when she does look at her e-mail, she often doesnít respond. Or weíll write back and forth for a while and then it sort of drops off. She is also terrible about phone calls. I call, she doesnít call back. She doesnít call often on her own.

Weíve been friends for a while but Iím not so sure I want to continue to be friends with her if she canít stay in touch.

Iíve tried talking to her about it but she just behaves as if she isnít doing anything wrong.

Dear A,
She isnít doing anything wrong Ö at least not in her book. Sheís just not being the friend you expect her to be. The problem here is expectations: you expect her to behave as you would. She expects you to still be her friend despite her foibles.

You have two choices. You can either change your expectations and end the disappointment you feel when she doesnít stay in touch, or you can continue to expect her to behave differently Ė and continue to be disappointed.

If she is someone you love and hope to continue to be friends with, you might need to change you rather than concentrate on getting her to change. Thatís pretty much always a losing proposition.

Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers at sah103@hotmail.com

Comments?†Thoughts? Discuss this article and more at hippoflea.com

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06/15/2006 Fighting Fair
06/08/2006 Dogged by guilt
06/01/2006 Itsy bitsy
05/25/2006 Lovey dovey couple
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05/04/2006 Secret nostalgia
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04/20/2006 Live a little
04/13/2006 Live a little
04/06/2006 Torn
03/30/2006 Disagreements
03/23/2006 The simple life
03/16/2006 I thought it was love
03/09/2006 Alone but not lonely
03/02/2006 Compatability?
02/23/2006 A rock and a hard place
02/16/2006 A whole-hearted agreement
02/09/2006 Growing apart
01/26/2006 Tuning out?
01/12/2006 Under pressure
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A Few Words From Sherry

A LIttle Joy, A Little Heartbreak
Abusive Relationship
Abusive Relationships
Advice to young mother
Annual Tips For Avoiding The Holiday Fight
Any Way To Return To 'Just Friends'?
At The Women's Expo

Back In The Same Place
Back Off, Buddy
Bad Breaks
Being Patient
Blog, Blog, Blog
Broke up

California Dreaming
Changing My Mind
Clearing It Up
Cooking Help
Confused and Angry
Consumed By The Internet
Crying All The Time
Dating Again
Falling Short
Family Friction
Friend, With Benefits
Friendly Secret
Gift-Giving Season
Go to Funeral?
Hunting Season
In Love and Confused
It's the most "beautiful" time of the year...
Keeping Things Secret
Just Sex
Lying, But Not Cheating
Might Get Married
Move Back Home?
My Boyfriend's Computer
My Roommate's Family
Mutual Intrigue
Needs Support
Newly Single Mother
No Explanation
Nosy Neighbors
Nothing Happened
Oh, Grow Up

On Her Way To 'Trouble'

Our Pal Al
Pretty Tight
Publicity Stunt?
Quiet, Please
RSVP, Please
Ruthie's Secret
Should I Stick or Should I Run
Should I Tell Him
Shy Girl
Splitting and Sharing
Stuck In A Sticky Situation
Sucky Gifts
Taking advantage
The Boyfriend & The Friend
The Difficult Coworker
The Letter
The Pain In Spain
The Sad Bride
The Ultimatum
Two Men At The Same Time
Vacation, Not

Why would anyone stay?