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Pinings: Hanging on the telephone
by Sherry Hughes sah103@hotmail.com
Dear Pinings,
Isn’t it bad form to not return phone calls, e-mails and such? I am nearing the end of my rope with one of my girlfriends. She isn’t near a computer a lot and admits she only looks at her e-mail once a day. I understand that but even when she does look at her e-mail, she often doesn’t respond. Or we’ll write back and forth for a while and then it sort of drops off. She is also terrible about phone calls. I call, she doesn’t call back. She doesn’t call often on her own.
We’ve been friends for a while but I’m not so sure I want to continue to be friends with her if she can’t stay in touch.
I’ve tried talking to her about it but she just behaves as if she isn’t doing anything wrong.
A
Dear A,
She isn’t doing anything wrong … at least not in her book. She’s just not being the friend you expect her to be. The problem here is expectations: you expect her to behave as you would. She expects you to still be her friend despite her foibles.
You have two choices. You can either change your expectations and end the disappointment you feel when she doesn’t stay in touch, or you can continue to expect her to behave differently – and continue to be disappointed.
If she is someone you love and hope to continue to be friends with, you might need to change you rather than concentrate on getting her to change. That’s pretty much always a losing proposition.
Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers at sah103@hotmail.com
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