Pinings: Making connnections
by Sherry Hughes email@example.com
My problem is Iíve been living here for 10 years and still havenít made any local friends.† You name it, Iíve tried it ó health clubs, Jazzercise, church, bars, the womenís club (which I got kicked out of, thank God), saying Ďhií to people (they never say hi back, whatís up with that?), flea markets, the library, NORML, etc., etc.†What is the deal around here?
I donít know ó Iíve lived many places and never had a problem until Litchfield.†Is it me or is it them?†Theyíre so boring and complaining and they always want something (like free babysitting, or selling you stuff). Maybe itís better off to have no friends than bad friends?
Iím sick of being lonely in Litchfield.†Itís like the twilight zone. If it wasnít so creepy, I guess it would be kind of funny.†What would you do if you were me?
Lonely in Litchfield,
We live in New Hampshire. Itís our job to avoid eye contact at all costs. Just because someone doesnít say hi back to you doesnít mean they arenít friendly. Once youíve lived here all of your life, you may just get a nod from the guy who has been delivering your mail for 40+ years.
All kidding aside, and the above was meant as a joke, although Öwell, itís pretty much the truth, you have two choices: change your tactics or move to a different place. I have to tell you, though, after reading your letter, itís fairly clear to me why you arenít able to feel as if you belong. You refer to these people as boring and complaining, you are glad you were kicked out of the womenís club (what on Earth did you do? Did you refuse to bring a snack or something?) It doesnít sound like you like these people anyway.
Iím in sync with you on the ďselling stuffĒ part. Whenever anyone has approached me to attend something social which later becomes some weird pyramid scheme, Iím pretty offended. It tells me that my friendship isnít enough; they also want me to go out and schlub products to make money for them. Like thatís gonna happen.
And Iím not really much of a babysitter. I donít have kids for a reason. I will watch someoneís kids occasionally, but only for a short period of time and only if I really love the kid and the parents. Oh, ditto goes for house-, dog- or cat-sitting.
But all of that aside, are you an abrasive person? Could your personality need some smoothing out? There have to be people in Litchfield who are looking for new pals that you have something in common with. How about a book club? Are you a reader? Or maybe you can volunteer at the local animal shelter if you are a pet lover.
1.Take a serious look in the mirror and see if you can identify any characteristics that others may not like about you. Be honest and serious when you are doing this.
2. Seriously consider talking to a life coach or therapist about this. They may give you the advice you are looking for.
Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers at firstname.lastname@example.org
Comments?†Thoughts? Discuss this article and more at hippoflea.com