April 27, 2006


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Pinings: Making connnections
by Sherry Hughes sah103@hotmail.com

Dear Sherry,
My problem is Iíve been living here for 10 years and still havenít made any local friends.† You name it, Iíve tried it ó health clubs, Jazzercise, church, bars, the womenís club (which I got kicked out of, thank God), saying Ďhií to people (they never say hi back, whatís up with that?), flea markets, the library, NORML, etc., etc.†What is the deal around here?

I donít know ó Iíve lived many places and never had a problem until Litchfield.†Is it me or is it them?†Theyíre so boring and complaining and they always want something (like free babysitting, or selling you stuff). Maybe itís better off to have no friends than bad friends?

Iím sick of being lonely in Litchfield.†Itís like the twilight zone. If it wasnít so creepy, I guess it would be kind of funny.†What would you do if you were me?

Lonely in Litchfield,

We live in New Hampshire. Itís our job to avoid eye contact at all costs. Just because someone doesnít say hi back to you doesnít mean they arenít friendly. Once youíve lived here all of your life, you may just get a nod from the guy who has been delivering your mail for 40+ years.

All kidding aside, and the above was meant as a joke, although Öwell, itís pretty much the truth, you have two choices: change your tactics or move to a different place. I have to tell you, though, after reading your letter, itís fairly clear to me why you arenít able to feel as if you belong. You refer to these people as boring and complaining, you are glad you were kicked out of the womenís club (what on Earth did you do? Did you refuse to bring a snack or something?) It doesnít sound like you like these people anyway.

Iím in sync with you on the ďselling stuffĒ part. Whenever anyone has approached me to attend something social which later becomes some weird pyramid scheme, Iím pretty offended. It tells me that my friendship isnít enough; they also want me to go out and schlub products to make money for them. Like thatís gonna happen.

And Iím not really much of a babysitter. I donít have kids for a reason. I will watch someoneís kids occasionally, but only for a short period of time and only if I really love the kid and the parents. Oh, ditto goes for house-, dog- or cat-sitting.

But all of that aside, are you an abrasive person? Could your personality need some smoothing out? There have to be people in Litchfield who are looking for new pals that you have something in common with. How about a book club? Are you a reader? Or maybe you can volunteer at the local animal shelter if you are a pet lover.

Three suggestions:

1.Take a serious look in the mirror and see if you can identify any characteristics that others may not like about you. Be honest and serious when you are doing this.

2. Seriously consider talking to a life coach or therapist about this. They may give you the advice you are looking for.

3. Move.

Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers at sah103@hotmail.com

Comments?†Thoughts? Discuss this article and more at hippoflea.com

04/20/2006 Live a little
04/13/2006 Live a little
04/06/2006 Torn
03/30/2006 Disagreements
03/23/2006 The simple life
03/16/2006 I thought it was love
03/09/2006 Alone but not lonely
03/02/2006 Compatability?
02/23/2006 A rock and a hard place
02/16/2006 A whole-hearted agreement
02/09/2006 Growing apart
01/26/2006 Tuning out?
01/12/2006 Under pressure
01/05/2006 Sex isn't everything?
A Few Words From Sherry

A LIttle Joy, A Little Heartbreak
Abusive Relationship
Abusive Relationships
Advice to young mother
Annual Tips For Avoiding The Holiday Fight
Any Way To Return To 'Just Friends'?
At The Women's Expo

Back In The Same Place
Back Off, Buddy
Bad Breaks
Being Patient
Blog, Blog, Blog
Broke up

California Dreaming
Changing My Mind
Clearing It Up
Cooking Help
Confused and Angry
Consumed By The Internet
Crying All The Time
Dating Again
Falling Short
Family Friction
Friend, With Benefits
Friendly Secret
Gift-Giving Season
Go to Funeral?
Hunting Season
In Love and Confused
It's the most "beautiful" time of the year...
Keeping Things Secret
Just Sex
Lying, But Not Cheating
Might Get Married
Move Back Home?
My Boyfriend's Computer
My Roommate's Family
Mutual Intrigue
Needs Support
Newly Single Mother
No Explanation
Nosy Neighbors
Nothing Happened
Oh, Grow Up

On Her Way To 'Trouble'

Our Pal Al
Pretty Tight
Publicity Stunt?
Quiet, Please
RSVP, Please
Ruthie's Secret
Should I Stick or Should I Run
Should I Tell Him
Shy Girl
Splitting and Sharing
Stuck In A Sticky Situation
Sucky Gifts
Taking advantage
The Boyfriend & The Friend
The Difficult Coworker
The Letter
The Pain In Spain
The Sad Bride
The Ultimatum
Two Men At The Same Time
Vacation, Not

Why would anyone stay?