Hippo Manchester
January 5, 2006

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Pinings: Sex isn't everything?
by Sherry Hughes

Dear Sherry,

My partner and I have been together for three years. She is everything I want in a girlfriendÖsheís smart and funny, cute, and very sweet. The problem? Our sex life sucks. Weíve both been with other women before, so itís not a matter of either of us wanting a guy.

About a month ago, I tried to talk to her, to tell her that I need more intimacy, but she just didnít see that anything was wrong. She feels comfortable with where we are and feels we are loving and affectionate and when we do have sex, itís good.

I want to not only have more sex, but I want to have better sex. Right now we only have it about once a monthÖand itís good, but itís always the same.

How do I get across to her that I really mean business, that Iím not just whining?

Thanks,

Butch

Dear Butch,

Well, you know that sex isnít everything. But you are smart enough to know that there has to be a give and take in relationships with everything, not just sex. That said, I want you to know that you are my personal hero of sorts. I really love a woman who says what she wants and isnít afraid to talk about it. And if you need more sex than you are getting, and if you want more of it, you have to be really clear and consistent with your girlfriend again ó and maybe again. Let her know that this is really important to you and ask if she has any ideas on how to make things more equitable.

If that doesnít get you anywhere, turn on the romance. See what you can do to spice things up a bit (a date, a weekend away, bedroom accouterments that may help titillate her, maybe setting a romantic scene at home). In other words, make her want you. You remember how to do that, Iím sure of it.

Let me know how things shape up. And by the way, donít feel ashamed of wanting more sex, itís a healthy thing. But remember, too, that we all have different levels of satisfaction. Just because she is happy with once a month doesnít mean thatís the norm.

Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers. Write her at sah103@hotmail.com.



A Few Words From Sherry
A LIttle Joy, A Little Heartbreak
Abusive Relationship
Abusive Relationships
Advice to young mother
Annual Tips For Avoiding The Holiday Fight
Any Way To Return To 'Just Friends'?
At The Women's Expo

Back In The Same Place
Back Off, Buddy
Bad Breaks
Being Patient
Blog, Blog, Blog
Broke up

California Dreaming
Changing My Mind
Clearing It Up
Cooking Help
Confused and Angry
Consumed By The Internet
Crying All The Time
Dating Again
Ex-Cooperation
Falling Short
Family Friction
Friend, With Benefits
Friends
Friendly Secret
Gift-Giving Season
Go to Funeral?
Homesick
Hunting Season
In Love and Confused
It's the most "beautiful" time of the year...
Keeping Things Secret
Just Sex
Lying, But Not Cheating
Might Get Married
Move Back Home?
My Boyfriend's Computer
My Roommate's Family
Mutual Intrigue
Needs Support
Newly Single Mother
No Explanation
Nosy Neighbors
Nothing Happened
Oh, Grow Up

On Her Way To 'Trouble'

Our Pal Al
Pretty Tight
Publicity Stunt?
Quiet, Please
RSVP, Please
Ruthie's Secret
Should I Stick or Should I Run
Should I Tell Him
Shy Girl
Splitting and Sharing
Stuck In A Sticky Situation
Sucky Gifts
Taking advantage
The Boyfriend & The Friend
The Difficult Coworker
The Letter
The Pain In Spain
The Sad Bride
The Ultimatum
Two Men At The Same Time
Vacation, Not

Why would anyone stay?